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View Full Version : Drunken Monkey [Vol.1 Issue 5]


Yomm
02-06-2008, 06:56 AM
HAVANA ATTACKED!

As reported earlier, the fearless Brittish do continue their bold strike upon the waters by attacking when they suspect little to no defense. Early reports of skirmishes around Havana's waters began in the wee small hours of the morning and did continue throughout the day. By all accounts, the port itself was near defeat until the Spanish did respond.

And the responce was strong and impressive. The Brittish paid for such insult by losing a number of thier ships (the 'Mouth', naturally, being one of them, but more on his antics later) and Havana's tattered flag still flies Spainish. In what can only come about through strength and unity, Spain did not only defend but managed to put two other ports into the fray!!

Well done, Spain! Well done indeed.

Yours truly did come across this posted flyer in Belize (a battle lost and shall be avenged):

It is becoming apparent that many of the Brit societies are not so much into the [naval warfare against other sailors of the nations] aspect of the [war]. Many of them feel content standing on the docks comparing dresses and baking bread. I am here to try and rally and organize those of you actually interested in [fighting other nations].
__________________
Judge Bloodgood
Vice Admiral, Lords of the Burning Sea
The Butcher of Turtling Bay

So soon do our enemies turn against one another? Should it come as a surpirse to anyone that the 'Mouth' leads this charge? So, for you great and skilled Brittish fleets (the noble Royal Red, as example) that invite such team-work, do allow me to sumarize for you:

First, you must lose some ships to establish your greatness. Spain fears those brave Brits who fearlessly offer their ships to our cannons...time and time again. Secondly, fleeing from other ships who do wish to engage is a natural tactic designed to frustrate those Spanish sailors who wish to prove battle, less speak of it. When you do win a battle (as even broken clocks do speak the truth twice a day) be sure to parade your victory and strut about like a peacock in heat, perhaps even giving yourself a title, again, this proves your superiority in all but actual deed. However, in order to truly capitalize upon your fellow Brittish succeses, you must remain silent at every defeat, thus taking away any false bravado the Spanish might offer. Finally, and those united with 'the Mouth' must surely subscribe, you must avoid contact as you build your power and ship progression, only engaging in those battles where you either outnumber the enemy or have no enemy to defend.

Then and only then, fellow Brittish sailors, will you be able to obtain the greatness of which 'the Mouth' offers.

I would pity our noble groups of the enemy had they but any other flag to sail under. Should they ever wish it, Spain would open their arms and embrace their talent in order to rid our jointly owned waters from those egotistical and maniacal individuals who taint all of our just and fair efforts to establish peace.

This year of 17xx of our Lord, by the hands of your loyal servant.

MacSomething
02-06-2008, 11:31 AM
To the Esteemed Editor,

Bravo! Once again I am encouraged and entertained your witty-yet-truthful account of the day's events.

I would like to offer one small anecdote... A newly-christened mastercrafted frigate of the Raa class was built and launched in Havana during the British "occupation of the docks". As she was scheduled for fitting and armament in the port of San Juan she was, essentially, a naked hull.

Thanks to diligence of the patrol flotilla, the "Haggis Grinder" was able to make her appointment with her squadron and contribute to the liberation of the Lesser Antilles.

With many thanks,

"Bloody" MacDougal
Trade Enforcement agent of MacDougal's Rum and Haggis provisioning.